After last night, I could never be a politician.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
