their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
