Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
