we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
