all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
