Nicole vs. Life
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
