Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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