I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
