oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
