i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
