he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
