On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
