Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
