All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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