Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
