How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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