it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
