at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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