She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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