Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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