Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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