Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
