i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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