Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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