I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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