I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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