He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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