i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
