I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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