awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
