I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
