An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Never underestimate the power of titties
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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