People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
