i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
