i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
