Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
