we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
