just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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