Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
