Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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