I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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