so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
