just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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