I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
