wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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