When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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