I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am puke
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize