the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
