Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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