You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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