I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
