Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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