Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
