I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
