Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
