hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
