the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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