so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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