So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
