This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
