Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
