I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
