He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
