i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
