hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
