My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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