She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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