I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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