so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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