The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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