Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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