do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
