chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My balls are so social today.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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