God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
